Taking a leaf out of the book of artists, musicians and poets, today I'll try to leverage on the pains I feel so far on this entrepreneurial journey and try to get a nice story out of it.
And perhaps try to learn some lessons and reframe it too..
Self-Doubt & the Imposter Syndrome
Ah the familiar old frenemy, self-doubt.
I've been used to it even on my familiar actuarial territories, but after some time there was less factual reason to let it in.
Having worked on my craft as an actuary for a number of years, I could rely on my track record, my qualification, deep experience and the testimonials of my peers to assure myself that I'm a decent actuary.
But that's no longer the case now. Being an entrepreneur means that I'm walking on unfamiliar territories regularly. Yes I can apply some skills and thought processes from my studies and work, but now I need to network more purposefully, put myself out there regularly, decide on partnerships, decide on strategies, rely on my intuition and walk into domains that are new.
Here the factual evidence says that I'm new to it, my qualifications doesn't guarantee anything, and all my peers can say is that they believe in me.
My self belief is critical to ensure I am energetic to keep knocking on doors, strategising, capitalising on opportunities and to emanate good energy.
There are a few doubters (whom I shun now), but many cheerleaders and mentors who I reach out to regularly now. Friends who are entrepreneurs from both actuarial and non-actuarial paths. Friends who are employed who cheer me on.
Unexpected help which seem to transpire into promising opportunities.
Being Overwhelmed
Oh my god, there's just so much to do!
Life was so much simpler being employed - log into work and get things done with my peers.
Now I have to hunt for my opportunities, plan out which ones to focus on, organise my time, fret that I'm not doing enough, and do the ground work to build up relationships and then do the work. And there's the administrative stuff as well!
For now, while still being employed.
This is also a good sign, I suppose if I had little to do, then my business opportunities would have been few.
Being overwhelmed does mean a lot is happening...that's a good thing isn't it.
The pain of rejection & failure
I'm exploring a few different business verticals. Some are directly related to my actuarial profession, so I get seeked out for my expertise.
There are others where I seek out clients myself, both business and personal clients.
Even though I knew before I started that I had to face rejection regularly, and for some businesses (eg insurance agency), the ratio of success is 1 or 2 out of 10, the psychological pain of rejection is what it is.
After the first month or so of enthusiasm, it gets mentally harder to put myself out there again knowing I'm likely to get rejected again, and again. (But there will be successes too!!)
It also hurt quite a bit getting one rating of 2 (out of 5) on an Udemy course. Yes there were many good ratings before and after that but I still look at that rating now and then and relive the pain.
In one sense, these are so-called "micro-failures", in that I don't actually lose anything aside from my time and energy invested. And in fact, my network does get wider and richer everytime I reach out to someone new regardless whether that opportunity converts to a business.
In addition, facing "micro-failures" regularly enhances my resilience and drive.
My fellow entrepreneurs keep telling me - the main cause of failure is simply giving up after getting rejected a few times.
Uncertainty
Again this is obvious - an employee has the certainty of getting his/her salary, while an entrepreneur's income varies based on opportunities.
I tried to overcome this by diversifying my business verticals, and the passive income streams are trickling in now..perhaps enough to pay a few bills ..that's not too shabby.
But the real work is in replacing my current income and to grow that further, to build employment opportunities and expand my business regionally/globally. So yes there's some way to go indeed.
Failure for me now means going back to employment (well actually I haven't left it yet).
Perhaps I'm pushing myself too hard, and am not appreciating the wins I have already made. Perhaps I need to give myself space to breathe and move at a steady pace.
What's next?
Hmm yes this seems to have worked - I do feel more positive about where I am.
In a sense, pain means I'm out of my comfort zone. I am growing and that's a good thing.
I hope these notes are helpful for you too.
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